Growth and Maturity are irritating as a... MF

Thoughts, rants, ravings, and annoyances

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

The Ex Factor
Yes folks the drama is still raging with the ex factor.... I still care about him entirely too much. I really believed at one point that I could have a viable friendship with him and that it would honestly just be about a friendship. I realized a few days ago that this is a virtual impossibility. You can't be friends with someone you still have feelings for, especially when you haven't had the opportunity to explore the depth of those feelings. I had a convo with some of my ladies on blog today and came to an interesting conclusion. Right now the ex factor has me on a layaway plan- not one that I'm too excited about being placed upon for the sheer and simple fact is that I'm well worth the time and effort it takes to institute a purchase. It's not healthy for me to continue to deal with someone that can't decide whether or not they really want to deal with me. I can see a real future with us but that's not something in the realm of possibility for him right now because I honestly don't believe his mind can fathom such a serious commitment right now. Who knows, it might not ever be something he could contemplate with me. If he truthfully and honestly felt like I could be the one I do think he would make more of an effort to act right.... alas he doesn't. The truth of the matter is that I'm bored. I'm bored in a city I hate doing something I don't particularly like just to say that I've accomplished something. Okay, well while I'm here I haven't encountered anyone that has even held my attention for longer than a fleeting moment. I'm bored so I'm relying on him for the emotional support that I miss and that I'm not getting from other men. He's the prototype right now, and the truth of the matter is that if I had a better or more feasible option i likely wouldn't give that up for the ex. My blog familia suggested that I keep our contact to a minimum and the more i think about the better off it sounds.... we'll see but right now he's exing himself out... haven't talked to him in a couple of days after multiple promises to call back....

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