What About your Friends:

Can We truthfully have genuine friendships with the opposite sex?

I know this title is reminiscent of an ABC after school special title and the old TLC song but damn.... I had a flashback moment. I really felt compelled to write about this after a convo with Spelmal and the Ex Factor (we are so just friends and I really do mean that.... wholeheartedly).
On first glance my answer to this question would be an emphatic yes. Why shouldn't we be able to have enduring, lasting friendships with the opposite sex. Yes men and women can be friends.... I completely agree. My best friend is a guy that I've known since I was 9. No one but my parents understands me more wholly and completely than he does. I say all of this to say... there's a BUT up in here!!!!!

The BUT is the fact that at a very basic level I'm somewhat suspicious of a man with too many female friends. I know I know that everyone on the planet would say that this seems to point to a sincere problem in our relationship... that trust is missing... that if I really trusted my man (fictional.... come on now) wholly and completely that this wouldn't bother me. Yeah... Bullsh*t. I don't care how much I trust the man I deal with it's women that I don't trust. Yeah I am a woman.... and that's why I say that. Some of ya'll might say ok Legal Diva (AKA Natjaq).... don't you think you're being a little paranoid... don't you think you're not giving your man enough credit... don't you think.... blah blah blah .... bottom line- he is not the one I'm per se worried about. I have seen females get under a good man's skin.... get in the midst of their relationships... place seeds of doubt about the current girl... and boom the next thing you know your man is chillin in someone else's space. Now I'm not saying that this is all so much likely to happen but what I am saying is that everyone you call a friend doesn't necessarily only have that type of relationship in mind. Now... that being said let me break it down for you. I believe that out of all of the opposite sex friends someone might possess this is the break down:

The Ex's

40% are ex's: by ex's I mean people you use to mess with, date, or were in any way romantically involved with.... there could be no vestiges of romantice feeling left... but 9 times out of 10 it will get in someone's head to want to re-kindle something......

Damn... we didn't get a chance's
2nd category is the "damn we didn't a chance's". The damn's as I call them are those that didn't always necessarily look at you as boyfriend/girlfriend potential... for some reason they placed you in the friend zone. Now when the damn's have gotten out of college or grad school, they look around and notice that pickings are slim. That maybe the things that ex'd you off the list in college or grad school aren't so important to them anymore. You are a potential..... the damn's can be anywwhere from 40%-50% of the opposite sex friends. The damn's are the most damaging to your relationship. You really don't see them as more than friends because that's all they've ever been. Much of the advice they give you is often clouded more by their own motives than what's in your best interest..... them damn's are a sneaky breed and best believe they are waiting for your current to eff up so they can put in their bid.

Real Friends
The last category is the best... the 10% of real and true honestly genuine opposite sex friends. This is the guy or girl that you clicked with immediately. You guys had the best convo the first time you met each other and it's never been about anything else but just enjoying this person. You might look at him or her as attractive but it's never been about that or like that... you might have had a mini-crush but never anything lasting. You enjoy your friendship and you don't want to do anything to jeopardize it. This is going to be the man or woman that's going to play a part in your wedding.... the one your spouse will actually like... the one that you'll be cool with forever. Your kids are going to call this person auntie or uncle (fill in the blank with the appropriate name). Yes folks this is the real friend. We all have a couple but they are few and far between.

Look at your friend pool.... I bet you 9 times out of 10 I'm somewhere close to right about this.
I figured this out also from looking at my relationship with Enigma (if you don't know who he is.... hmmmm.... short and sweet... a friend with some ambiguities... we were very close for a while but everything changes). Enigma and I went from talking at least once a week to not talking but maybe once every 3 to 4 months. I saw him at graduation.... he looked great.... but then again so did I, lol (must always compliment self from time to time.... plus i did get a lot of compliments on the new hair color, weight loss, etc.)..... everything was different. He's in a relationship and I'm happy that he's happy.... I'm wearing relationship repellant at this point in life.... i doused myself in at and bathed in that mess..... I'm allergic to relationships... don't wanna date... don't want a man.... NOTHING OF THE SORT. When I saw him it was like things were the same in some respects but so different in others. I refused to even let my mind wander or engage in convos about anything but very superficial things. I made a comment about how he irritated me some times (we were talking about something so completely different).... and then he wanted to talk about it some more. I wasn't willing AT ALL. Some things just aren't going to end positively and you need to stay away from them. Montego Bay observed us and he was like.... damn you've been through a lot with him... you have this look of being just done. I told MB that sometimes it's the way it's gotta be. Enigma and I aren't supposed to have an enduring relationship and if we are then it will re-evolve to exactly what it's supposed to be and that's it. The crew was supposed to get together for brunch the next day.... we all had too much going on... Enigma asked me to call him but before I could ever respond... he said "I know you won't.. but it didn't hurt to ask".... i told him i'd think about it but his number has long been erased from my phone. I'll never actually forget it but consciously if it's a little harder for me to remember then it's often out of sight out of mind..... I miss my friend..... but I don't miss the excess that went along with our interaction.

I stand by my statement: Growth and maturity are irritating as a..... MF....but somehow it takes that irritation and being uncomfortable in situations and in life to really become the person that you're really meant to be.