I see the God in you.......

It's crazy how many things have gone on in my world in these past few months..... how many changes have been made....how many people that I believed held such important places in my heart are now gone.....

I'm truly blessed in so many ways..... I've got a job!!! Yes, someone will be paying me to actually do something legitimate with myself this year. It's not exactly what I had in mind but it will give the opportunity to experience something very new and step outside of myself to do something that I think I want to do.

Personal Life: I'm dating. That's about as interesting as it gets folks. CSI as I call him really isn't all he's cracked up to be- enjoyed our first date, have had some fun with him but I'm really not feeling him for a variety of reasons and feel like if i was I'd probably choose to spend time with him because I wanted to not because I didn't have anything better to do at the moment and wanted some male company. I know it sounds awful but we had some good convos and I enjoyed him when I first met him but the thrill is gone. CR is a different story- he's 2 states away. I could really get used to spending time with him but he comes w/some baggage- he's newly divorced and I'm moving farther away from him when i'm done with school. Doesn't make for a fabulous package but it is what it is. The Ex factor and Enigma are officially history. Engima and I had a blow up a few weeks ago when I had to cancel on homecoming and part of it was my fault but part of it was him simply being a man and not getting women. NEWSFLASH: Fellas when you hear a woman tell you that something that's tradtionally been important to her is something she now cannot attend or cannot possess PLEASE DO NOT TELL HER THAT IT'S NO BIG DEAL, that there will be other times she can attend or possess this thing and "THAT SHE WILL BE MISSED" Our definite reaction will be WHAT THE HELL!!!! We need to hear that you're at least feel for us and YOU WILL MISS US- NOT WE'LL BE MISSED!!!!! Urggggggg!!! I digress.... the ex factor and i have exchanged a series of emails that consisted of me putting myself completely out there and him deferring the convo to phone talk. I don't even want to do it anymore and I'm actually happier w/the way things are right now than i've ever been . Because i've had so many other things going on as of late, me not talking to him hasn't been an imposition in the least- it's been more freeing than anything and I honestly don't want that feeling to end.

I was watching Oprah at 2am and the quote that I began this entry with was the last thing that I heard.... I decided at that moment that this quote along with another that I will post momentarily, will govern the way that I deal with my life in 2005.

"I see the God in You"- see God reflected in everyone and it will insure that you treat even the truly insane and rude with a sense of peace. I know this is something that i'm going to have to seriously strive for but I'm going to make a sincere effort to try.

" When people show you who they are.....believe them" I wish I could get this lesson to jump into my skull and root somewhere. There have been so many instances where I've given people the benefit of the doubt and it's been more than obvious shortly thereafter that I made a big mistake in doing so. Oftentimes those that I haven't given the benefit of the doubt have been those that probably deserved one more. I realize that I often come off as very aloof and nonchalant..... it's a defense mechanism. I'm a very sensitive, caring person that's had a lot of people mistreat her and the people that she loves in her life. For this reason, and this reason only it takes a lot for me to trust someone and allow him or her to even see the real me. It's all a process and as i've said and have been saying forever- growth and maturity are irritating as an MF