Growth and Maturity are irritating as a... MF

Thoughts, rants, ravings, and annoyances

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Breaking Down.........
I've had my fair amount of work to do in the past few days and that's been a little hectic for me but I'm making it. What I'm dealing with right now is still trying to grapple with the victims from Hurricane Katrina and what to do to really help them. I haven't posted in a while and definitely not about Hurricane Katrina and how it's affecting the people on the Gulf Coast because I just didn't know what to say. I have had my fair share of issues in life as of late... some pretty major ones that are going to affect my life for a while but I feel absurd even complaining or worrying about my issues with what's going on with these people. It used to be that I would literally break into sobs almost everytime I watched the television coverage... especially if I'd see children or elderly suffering. I just couldn't take it.....I often come of as a hard a$$ but I'm so much more sensitive than people will ever know and it just hurt my soul to see people like this.
Well it happened again today. My friend Tina sent me copies of some of the pictures from New Orleans. She warned that they were graphic but I was not mentally or emotionally prepared for what I saw. As I'm typing my eyes are misting up. The way these people died is just inhumane. I've seen animals treated better and it breaks my heart to know that someone had to spend their last moments on this earth in so much pain and desperation. My heart aches for these departed souls and their families. I pray that they find some comfort in the arms of an angel......
My mood suddenly transforms from solemn to enraged.......When do we say enough!!!! When do we start to feel some compassion for these people and do more than give a one time donation or a couple of cases of water!!! I don't know what to do to help but I plan on volunteering with the Red Cross yet still I feel like this just isn't enough. There are poor people all over this country.... there are people who are just trying to make it. As I walk down the streets of Nashville in my tailored suit and pearls I see them everyday. There's a homeless woman who is one of the most articulate people that I've ever encountered and seeing her makes me want to cry. I give her money everytime she asks because I feel like I'd want someone to do the same for me. She hasn't always been homeless..... and it really is by the grace of God that I'm not in her shoes. I just don't know what it takes. What does it take to make some kind of sweeping changes so we don't have people in this country suffering. There are 37 million people below the poverty line yet I suspect that if you go to any city in this country you'll find people there with more money in their bank accounts than their next four generations of relatives could even hope to spend. Yes you deserve to keep your money and enjoy its benefits but damn--- can you help somebody, can you stop thinking about getting more, having more, spending more.... for 2.5 friggin seconds and just do something ... anything for somebody. The selfishness has got to end.... I don't know who is going to do it, how it's going to happen or what it's going to take but I can't stand it anymore. There's a fire in my soul.... it won't be extinguished until I can personally be a part of the solution.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

So you're officially grown.......
This is a moment I've been dreading for a while. For the past 3 years I've lived somewhere in limbo between adulthood and young adulthood... I've had many of the benefits of being an adult yet still had to deal with someone else censoring my actions to an extent. Don't get me wrong... my folks are wonderful people but it's hard for them to look at me as being an adult. I've started my new job... when people ask what I do I can no longer tell them I am a student... no I'm an attorney and prayerfully soon I'll be NJE, Esq. It's amazing, frightening, and exciting all in the same breath. I'll soon have a mortgage, car note, cable bills.... no longer will someone else be footing the bill.... it is all on me. There is something liberating and frightening about making your own decisions in life. You're the only one to blame if they turn out to be bad ones yet if they're great it shows some signs that you may be slowly maturing to the person that you're meant to be. Lord knows I've made enough bad decisions in life so this new found freedom is something that I have to be careful with. I'm really making a concerted effort to look to God as my guiding force and honestly do and be what he would have me to be. So many changes going on in my life these days but I do feel comfort in knowing that it will be alright in the end. So yeah... i'm officially grown, so now what?