Tears streaming down my face.............
the reason might honestly surprise you all because it's surprising me on a daily basis. I'm undergoing a lot of change in my life right now. I'm blessed.... so extremely blessed to have the life that I have and the people in it that love me. I realize that for many years, months, and days in my life I've lost sight of that. I don't realize how much of a blessing it is for me to have a job, for me to be graduating from law school in less than 30 days, for me to have parents that love me in spite of myself, for me to have friends that love me in spite of my weirdness and the drama that sometimes accompanies our friendship. The blessings that I continue to experience is what I cry about... the fact that it's taken me so long to realize how blessed I truly am is what continually causes me to shead tears... the fact that there are still many days that I'm ungrateful for my life and my blessings and wish that I could run away and hide from the world. In the same breath I'm experiencing a lot of loss..... loss of old friends, relationships, loves...... it's part of life and it's definitely not easy. I know that the problems, issues and worries that I've had over the past few months will be taken care of. I know that HE is in control and has always been..... that you must expect your blessings and know that HE will meet and oftentimes exceed them. I cry for all of these things.. I cry for the wisdom that I'm gaining, the stupidity that still creeps in from time to time, the procrastination ghost that continues to haunt me, the laughter that I share with my friends and family, the memories I have from the best four years of my life, the realization that I can often be a drama queen and need to learn how to be silent, that my stubbornness can often inhibit the development of my relationships... the fact that no matter how hard i try to run away from HIM in awe and sometimes in fear, and no matter how far I depart HE always welcomes me with open arms, the fact that certain people keep running across my mind.... the fact that one of my closest friends and I are no more... the fact that I continue to allow people to hurt me.... the fact that I am so damn sensitive... that I'm leaving behind I city that I've grown accustom to, divas that i'm going to miss awesomely and a sister from another mother that has grown to understand me like no other. I look forward to the future and what's to come..... I cry about it too..... but I'm undergoing a paradigm shift.... looking for what's right and good in my situation instead of creating things to worry about and issues that have yet to present themselves in my life. Sometimes all you need to just do is pray.....pray until your situation changes... pray until you get an answer and stay until HE opens the path that he would have you to follow......
